Chris Berry On The Net

The defining characteristic of introversion is the fact that we draw our energy from within. Extended contact with other people, even our own families, leaves us feeling physically and emotionally drained. We require regular periods of time alone to recharge our internal batteries. Finding that private time can be especially difficult during the holiday season.

While most folks look forward to the holidays, many introverts view the season with a sense of impending doom. Christmas parties and extended family gatherings would probably never happen if introverts ruled the world. Since we are a small minority, we are subjected to these rituals by well meaning extroverts who take offense at our lack of enthusiasm. They simply do not understand that while the company of others provides them emotional nourishment, it has the opposite effect on us. They might as well siphon off our life force with a hose, or suck it out like vampires. We are left completely drained by these events, and the extroverts who surround us never seem to grasp this fundamental aspect of our nature.

In a few short weeks, my extended family will converge on a small 3 bedroom condo and spend the next several days doing absolutely nothing. The days will revolve around meal times and the countdown to the cocktail hour. From morning to night, everyone will sit around in one large room where there will always be more people than chairs. Children will scream, drinks will be spilled, toys will cover every inch of available floor space, and the sound of the 24 hour news channel will be drowned out by the same endless loop of cheesy Christmas music that we’ve listened to every year since the Johnson administration.

My family can’t comprehend why I am not an enthusiastic participant in these annual festivities, and they don’t realize that the only time I ever get migraine headaches are during these gatherings. I will celebrate my 47th Christmas this year, and only one has been spent in my own home. It’s difficult enough to maintain private time and space in my own house, but it is virtually impossible in someone else’s. This complete lack of privacy makes Christmas my least favorite time of the year.

If there is an introvert in your family, give them the best Christmas gift ever this year. Recognize their need for private time, and don’t chastise them for what you regard as anti-social behavior. Don’t demand that they spend every minute of their time engaged in group activities, and don’t go looking for them every time they wander off for a few minutes alone. Most of all, recognize that their need for time alone is a fundamental aspect of who they are and not a character flaw.